Stupid Illinois Laws
No dog sex allowed!
You could be thrown in jail if you attempt to have sex with your dog. Buying your poor poochie a beer first doesn’t count as foreplay!
No humming in public on Sundays
If you’re planning on going for a walk down the street on Sundays, make sure you don’t hum any tunes as it might land you in jail!
Illegal to protest naked unless your under 17 years old
This law was most likely passed by a bunch of pedophiles as it states you’re only allowed to protest naked if you’re under the age of 17!
Fishing while riding on a giraffe’s neck is illegal
When your out riding your pet giraffe, make sure you don’t do any fishing as it is illegal!
Getting your dog drunk is illegal
It is prohibited by city law to get your dog drunk by giving it Vodka.
Eating at a place on fire is illegal
If your local restaurant in Chicago is on fire, make sure you don’t try to order a meal as it would be considered illegal.
You must make it public info if your business deals in slavery
If you plan on doing any contract work for the city, you must let the city know if your company delt with any slave trading during the slavery era.
Slavery Era Disclosure Ordinance
(Source: Downey, Sarah. Slavery Disclosure Time. Newsweek. January 27, 2003.)
No golden showers in Champaign, Illinois
You may not urinate into your neighbor’s mouth in the town of Champaign!
No standing on the 500 block of Illinois Avenue
Standing on the sidewalks of the 500 block of Illinois Avenue is prohibited.
English language prohibited
This must be a town of illegal aliens as English is prohibited from being spoken.
Contacting the cops required if you’re entering the town by car
If you’re entering Illinois by car, it is required that you contact the cops before doing so.
Being broke is illegal
If you’re caught on the streets without one dollar in your pocket, you could be arrested for vagrancy.